My boyfriend...

What can I say? I love him, I really do. He's just alittle...ARGH. Lately, I can't trust him. I just feel like he's always lying to me and he thinks i'm some idiot who will believe it just for the sake of believing better things.

It all started with paranoid me. I found a comment written by him on some girl's myspace page. It was hurtful, he was telling another girl he found her attractive. A 16 year old! That's not only gross but a pedo! It broke my heart that my boyfriend would use my laptop to write that on another girl's page. Not once has he ever commented on a photo. I looked in the mirror and felt so ugly. I can't remember the last time he's told me I looked good. I didn't eat for a day cause i started to feel fat. then i grabbed a pair of tweezers and went apeshit on my face. after 30 minutes i realized if i'm not beautiful to him in this state, i'd never be. It broke my heart so badly to read that.

Come time to confront him: He denies it to the fullest extent. Says he hasn't been able to log on to myspace for awhile now. So how did this comment get on there? And how did the comment that she had written him back with gotten on there if they have to be approved by him? Is someone hacking his account? The same person that changed his relationship status to single during Thanksgiving when he went back home for a week? I asked the girl to remove the comment stating that my boyfriend claimed he didn't write it, she was nice thankfully.

When he told me that? I called him at work just to get him to speak to me. He didn't reply to my texts or calls for over a day. I called him at least 10 times in that period. At work today i just cried infront of the busser like a moron. I couldn't help it, my boyfriend is ignoring me!! When I got out of work, at 10pm, about 30 hours later, he finally answered it. And my luck? 30 seconds it he runs out of money (pay as you go phone).

Not letting him get away with it, i drove over to his place where he refused to come over so i had to talk to him outside in the cold. He told me that he loves me and he swears it wasn't him. I asked him why he ignored my calls. First he said he didn't hear it and that he was asleep on and off all day. Then he says he texts me an hour ago, i asked him what he wrote and he doesn't remember apparently. And then? He says he went to work but wasn't scheduled. He had to call his brother to get a ride home. I caught him lying, he DID look at his phone, he SAW the missed calls from me. He claims the phone said nothing about calls from me. I told him that was absolute bullshit. Guess what? He says "Fine don't believe me" and closes the door on me, going back inside. I sat down on the steps, and didn't know what to think. About 10 minutes later, i went home.


I'm listening to Avril Lavigne now, trying to remember not to let one prick ruin my evening. Or my happiness that i worked so hard to get.

"Here's what I have to say I was left to cry there, waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare That's when I decided Why should I care Cuz you weren't there when I was scared I was so alone You, you need to listen I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip and I'm in this thing alone" - Losing Grip, Avril Lavigne

I told Zach that I would never ever go friends only, but I'm really tired of Swimmer harrassing me nonstop on all walks of life so I'm going to start using locks around my casa.


Duece mothafucka!

Okay okay I realized it's been a week and I haven't posted! I have to post all about my amazing Jimmy experience! I got to see his show on Thursday,and I got to talk to him on Saturday night. I got to his show at 4:30pm, the show starts at 8pm. Needless to say, I was waiting there alone in a cold hallway for quiet some time. One of the workers felt sorry for me and brought me a chair! The doors opened at 6:30pm and right around 6:20pm, alot of people started showing up. It made me sort of sad to see the crowd that had showed up, it was alot of people in their 40's, and then your typical 30 year old drunk women who dress like whores. Okay, so maybe I was dressed up too, but at least my boobs weren't hanging out. It also made me sort of mad because they were standing right infront of the door and I'm like HELL NO I WAS HERE FOR TWO HOURS. Of course, I made sure to get infront because the workers knew I was there first.

Here's something stupid, they wouldn't let me have the front table because i was alone. WTF?! So why did I waste my time getting here so early if you won't even let me have the best spot? I guess I can't bitch,I got the table besides it with the chair that was touching the stage. I had a great spot, I was still alittle mad though. Two girls sat down at the table with me, and later a woman in at least her late 40's sat besides me. I was super nervous waiting for the time to pass so I texted my best friend Zach (Jason Sudeikis.org). While doing so, I overheard the older woman say "I guess she not excited, she's too busy texting". I wanted to pop her in the face. It didn't take me a nanosecond to realize I was the biggest fan in the room. I told the two younger woman (who were actually nice) about my site and they said they'd check it out. Shoutout to Kelly and ...(okay I admit I don't remember!). Well, I had to sit through two opening acts, the entire time my heart pouding in nervousness. I had a sharpie with me and I was bored so I took the napkin and wrote "Fallonized.org LOVES JiMMY". Well, I decided I'd just have it hang off of my table and maybe it'd catch his eye.

At around 8:40pm, Jimmy came on stage and I had a stroke!! I couldn't believe how close I was to him. He was sooo gorgeous!!! He sang Car Wash For Peace, said a few things, talking to the douches at the front table, then came towards me. I thought quickly, took the napkin and held it up to my chest. And then..HE LOOKED AT ME and said "hey buddy!" and shook my hand. I wanted to die, I couldn't believe Jimmy stopped to acknowledge me, and even more so cause he'd remembered me!!!!! I haven't talked to him since April 2007 at Chelsea Piers, New York. The girls at my table then believed my claims that I am a big fan and that he does know me. Well, I wrote down everything that he talked about so I've included a set list. But now I must tell you about the most important part of the night and maybe even my life. He picked up his guitar, and then looked at me and said "You can help me out" and put out his hand towards me. OMG!!!!!

I was shaking and climbed from my chair to onstage to stand besides him. I was so close to him, I could see the sweat on his face. He said "You can sing along, you can even dance if you want to". I said "Are you doing idiot boyfriend? 80's medley?" And then "Barry Gibb Talk Show" started to play. He smiled at me and started to play his guitar and sing the anthem. And hell yes I sang and dance too!!!! Then he interviewed me!! From the best of my memory

Jimmy: (In Barry Gibb Voice)Welcome to the show tonight, I'm your host Barry Gibb and joining me today is a guest from Addison. What is your name?
Me: Vanessa
Jimmy: And Vanessa, you're a very nice dresser (AW he was looking at my dress!!) where do you live?
Me: (I don't know why I said this) I used to live in NY
Jimmy: (Staring to laugh) Oh so, I see you wander the streets of Addison?
Me: Yeah, I do
Jimmy: And what do you do for a living?
Me: I work at Blockbuster
Jimmy: Ah Blockbuster, what kind of perks do you get from working there?
Me: I get Jimmy Fallon movies a week before everyone else
Jimmy: Oh so you're the one that's doing that (LOL Maybe he thinks I'm a bootlegger or something!)
Me: Well, Vanessa I'm going to sing this song for you
Jimmy: (Playing guitar and singing)Oh vanessa, she's a good dressahh. And works at blockbuster (I don't remember). She lives in the raddison, wandering the streets of Addison.

He thanked me and I sat back down. Then I chugged my Shiner down, shaking, I couldn't believe that had just happened to me!!!! The rest of the show was great! And as he left he waved at me!!!!! Now i didn't get to talk to him after the show cause he left immediately, but I was okay with the awesome experience I had. No I didn't get to bootlegg it cause I wasn't allowed and goddamnit for that, i'd do anything to have that on tape!!!

Saturday Night

I can say without a doubt that this was my lowsiest conversation with him, though still awesome to see Jimmy nonetheless! Who knew papparazzi lived in Dallas of all places?! I expected them in NYC but to see them here was really a piss off. It's like come on man, you don't give two shits about him, why are you here wasting his time?! My boyfriend Shawn and I were waiting out front when we saw the 6 papparazzi. And then we saw Jimmy coming out, in a really cute flannel jacket nonetheless! He was drinking from a paper cup which he later said was theraflu, he must have gotten sick! I wanted to get a picture of my man and Jimmy but the battery on the little shit died. My video camera also didn't work in the dark so alas, I have no record of this meeting either. :( After I waited patiently for the collectors to get his autograph on cheesy 8x10's, I waited on these drunk slutty girls to take picture of him infront of a porshe. Afterwards he saw me and said "Hey buddy! Nice to see you again!" "Thank you so much for letting me come on stage, that was the greatest night!" Aw well we had fun didn't we?" "I'm flying up to NY for your first show in March, how do we get tickets?"
"I'll post it up on the site" then asked him if i could kiss him so he knelt down and i got to kiss him on the cheek! He was very salty! LOL!!

So yeah, it was quick and I waited about two hours for that so I was a tad dissapointed but fuck, I got to sing with the man!!! I've know met Jimmy more times that I can count, and this was the first time I got to meet him with someone I know. Shawn thinks it's so cool how nice he is, and I'm so happy that I was able to prove to someone that he really does know me! :)

Here is the set list
1. Car Wash For Peace (I'm the only person that sang along!)
2. His arrival at the airport
3. Rental car the GPS (Talking from British woman to Ghetto Chick)
4. Medicine Commercials (Guaranteed Anal Leakage)
5. His wedding!!! (I clapped hard!)
6. Green Parodies (Some Environmental event he attended and made songs based on it, like the Troll Doll Jingles) Sang "Sexy Back", "I Kissed a Girl",
some Snoop Dog song I don't know, a Maroon 5 Song, and "Rehab" by Amy Winehouse.
7. Invites me onstage!!!! Barry Gibb Talk Show :)
8. Colleges (Hill College, anyone?)
9. Skymall Magazines
10. Waterguns
11. Boxers (he wears them over briefs!)
12. Gyms and guys dicks hanging out
13. EXtreme (I don't know what this is anymore, sorry!)
14. Sang "Silverbells"
15. "Spit when you talk" a new song that was in a country tune
16. Impressions (Norm MacDonald, Mitch Hedberg, Chris Rock, Robin Williams, the normal ones he regularly does, and ending with Adam Sandler)
17. 80's Medley (Cut out the middle part)

I LOVE JIMMY FALLON!!!

Well today wasn't the best

My love left for Alice, Texas which is about 8 hours away from Dallas. He's not coming back until Monday aka this will be the longest amount of time I've been away from him, like, ever. I know I'll get used to it but right now I'm still sad.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and I was hoping to spend it with him. I know I'm being greedy but still, I love him! So anyway I woke up without him and it was depressing. I love kissing him and holding him. I watched the Thankgiving Day Parade when disaster struck. I got online and I was going to leave him a cute MySpace message. Well, I noticed he changed his background photo. I also noticed his relationship status said SINGLE. WTF?! I grabbed my phone and called him crying. He sounded half asleep and was angry. "What? I don't know what you're talking about, call me back when you're not crying". I let out a "FUCK YOU" and hung up on him.

I got up and Sarah and I decided to take some of my stuff back to my mom's house as we are moving out (details later). Well, on our drive, her tire blew out on the highway. We were stuck in a emergency lane for about 30 minutes until her cousin J.J came and helped us change it.

Let's see, ate at my mom's. Crashed for an hour. Ate at my dad's. Then i went to work at 5pm. Cause Blockbuster is EVIL and makes us work on holidays. Oh, I crashed cause last night I drove to Oklahoma to play at the casino. Lost $22 at Blackjack, woo hoo!! The entire day I had the Shawn thing over my head and I was so sad because he didn't try to text me or call me. I got home around 10:40pm when I finally decided to be the bigger person and just call him myself. He apologized about this morning and said he didn't call me because he was afraid I was mad at him. He claims someone hacked his account because he didn't change the background either. I believe him (Though i'm still mad that it's not changed back yet) I started to think it was like that so the girls back home would think he was single and it would be okay for him to fuck them! I guess I'm paranoid, but I sorta have to be, Shawn's gorgeous!

Oh, and we're moving out because our neighbors are loud noisy and mean. I also can barely make rent.

Seacrest Out

Welp,


V Day..

Um, my laptop is now one year old. Happy birthday!! Besides that...I went out on a road trip with my best friend Sarah last night. It was a two day trip in that we left Dallas at 5pm, got to Lake Charles, LA at 12am. Then we left back for Dallas at 2pm the next day. I was nice to get out on the road and escape alittle bit of hell. But now I'm here again. I'm dreadingt these next two days, I have to work doubles aka both my jobs which means I'll have an hour to myself in just two days. BLEH! Besides that, here's about V Day!

I woke up early and went to Kinko's where I went and printed out Parker's cd sleeve and stuff. I know giving him the gift I'd made a month ago probably wasn't smart, but I really wanted him to have it, I worked hard on it! Then I went to school and wore what I had planned on wearing on the date he said we'd go on. We met up for lunch and then did our homework before class. The entire time, I don't know why, I just wanted to throw up. My stomach was going insane and I was just so nervous to be around him. When class started, I put my hair down to where he couldn't see me and let the tears fall that I was trying my fucking hardest to hold in for those two hours that we were hanging out.

Afterwards, I drove him to his car and this is where I did it: I reached in my purse and said
"I know you're not my boyfriend anymore, but I really wanted you to have this" I said and handed it over. He said "Oh my god! This looks so cool!" Then he asked me for a hug and I just let the river flow. I couldn't hide it anymore. As he was getting out he said thanks and I told him I loved him. Then I plugged in my Zen and started listening to Lily Allen. I cried the entire drive to work, but I was so happy that I didn't see his car behind me. That meant he had stopped to look at it. Me being the stupid ass that I am, fantasized that when I got out of work, he'd be there waiting for me to tell me how sweet it was and that he wanted to be with me again. I reminded myself all night that it wouldn't happen, yet when I got out of the store, I was still dissapoined.

Kal stopped by to get his check! Yay! Then Ray came by a bit later. I gave them both a High school musical card and a bag of candy. It was good to see my guyfriends there. About an hour later, the door opened and I said my BB hello only to see Parker's mom smiling at me. I gave her a baggy of candy too while she was on the phone as I rung her up. When I was telling her the due dates, my voice again started to crack, how could I not cry infront of the dumper's mother? But awesomely enough, the second she left, my friend came back in with his girlfriend. He handed me a box of chocolates and a huge card that he painted with a sweet little message inside. :) I'm glad to know that I have friends in my life that I can count on to cheer me up when I'm down.

After work, I drove over to a school and skateboarded in their parkinglot for awhile. Part of me was hoping he'd show up there too, as I had told him I would be there. Now here I sit in my room. Trying hard to ignore this annoying memory of alone again.

Goddamnit, I love Parker Amos.